I’ve just finished university and feel like my life is slightly lingering in no mans land; I’ve been smacked in the face with the job market, joining thousands of other people exactly like me on paper: the same degree and same level of experience. We’re all battling it out for a job offer or a foot in the door somewhere. Whilst I’m faced with this blood bath, I realised it’s the first time in my life that I don’t have any commitments, responsibilities or structure.
I’ve decided this is a good time to do some self reflection and work on myself as a person. When I think about the last 3 years of university, I do see changes in myself: I wouldn’t say I’m more confident but I’m better at looking like I’m confident and pushing down feelings that hold me back. All the same insecurities are there but I’m learning to deal with them. This is what I want to achieve with my body image.
I have never felt comfortable with my body and have always put it down to my unhappiness. It’s not that I’m an unhappy person but I’ve always had thoughts like “if it wasn’t for my body, I would be happy right now”. For me, it’s my bum and thighs that I hate. They make me feel so bad about myself and seriously get me down some days. They effect my confidence, the way I act towards people and how I conduct myself.
I remember the moment that this insecurity took over my life. I was about 15 and out with my friends where we met up with a group of boys. I had a new outfit on and was feeling the bees knees. I had always been extremely confident when I was younger; acting, singing and dancing on the stage, not afraid to talk to anyone or ask where the toilet was in a restaurant (that can still be daunting right!?). I could only dream of having that confidence as an adult.
Once we had left the boys, my friends and I were gossiping about who liked who and all the other kind of things 15-year-old girls talk about. I remember one of the girls turning to me and saying “one of them said you’ve got a grim arse.” That was the moment: my confidence was smashed to pieces and I changed as a person.
Ridiculous right? The comment of one immature teenage boy changed the way I felt about myself. At that age, other peoples opinion on you means more than your own. But still to this day, that comment is present on my brain and the way it made me feel is tied up in my stomach.
I went home that night and looked at my bum in the mirror and picked it apart like a rack of ribs; cellulite, stretch marks, saddle bags, dimples. 6 years later I still do the same thing on a daily basis.
I’ve noticed that my confidence is at it’s peak when I’m wearing an outfit that hides my bum and thighs. I feel comfortable, which I’ve come to realise is my way of feeling confident. This is what my blog, SophistaFit, is all about; turning body insecurities into body confidence. Thats why I’m going to post these clothes on my blog and Instagram – it could help fellow pear shaped ladies!
I’m now 21; its time to throw the kitchen sink at life and I can’t do that with these insecurities hanging over me. My goal is to change my mind set and share with you the steps I take in a bid to become wholeheartedly happy with who I am, thighs and all.
Update: the boy that made the comment is now bald at 21… karma really is a bitch!
“It’s time to throw the kitchen sink at life”